Why Do Anxious and Avoidant People Attract Each Other? When one person longs for closeness and the other pulls away, it can feel like you're speaking completely different emotional languages. Yet this is one of the most common relationship dynamics I see in counselling—and one I've experienced personally. If you've ever found yourself wondering: "Why do I always seem to choose emotionally unavailable partners?" "Why does my partner shut down whenever we need to talk?" "Why do

In this blog, we explore why partners close down during conflict, how attachment history and Gottman’s research explain this pattern, and how Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples move from shutdown and disconnection toward safety, responsiveness, and secure connection.